Monsters and Mechanical Angels
by MomoOhMomo
Summary: Enjoy a trip down memory lane with flashbacks of Episode II while Jr. and MOMO realize that they have a lot of similar sibling baggage


First ever attempt at Xenosaga fanfiction. Reviews are greatly appreciated!

This story takes place directly after Albedo's death in episode ll.

* * *

" _Why, why are you the leader, number 666? You're a variant... You're a monster!"_

" _So, if I'm a monster, that means you're a monster too!"_

" _Did you ever even bother telling the girl? Does she know that we're monsters, both you and I?"_

* * *

" **Monster"** – that was a word Jr. had become all too familiar with throughout his life. The link master stared down at his right hand, just as he had done 14 years ago in his father's institute. The number '666' imprinted in red. His eyes locked onto it, as he began to memorize every inch of his small palm. His fingers gently traced over the numbers. He could still feel Albedo's hand clenching onto his wrist that day. _"Don't let go!"_ he had cried out to his older brother, but it was all too late.

" _I'm the leader, but then I cut the link..."_

No matter how much time had passed, it still hurt just as much as it did the day that it happened. Closing his eyes, he could still see the waves crashing into each one of his brothers. He could still hear their cries for help. That god awful scream his twin brother had let out as U-DO entered into his body. He could still see the blood pouring from Nigredo's head as he carried him in the rain. _"Somebody! Anybody! Please, help us! It won't stop... Nigredo won't... stop bleeding."_

Jr.'s head dropped down as he ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe Albedo was right, maybe they were monsters. So many lives were lost that day, all because of him. Worse than that, Albedo…..

" _What's with that face? You look like you just lost your best friend, Rubedo."_

He had destroyed his twin brother with his own hands. He had ripped apart a piece of himself. He had killed yet another one of his siblings, but this…. This hurt worse than any other life that he had taken before. Though Jr. liked to think of himself as many things, at the end of the day, he knew what he was. He was a weapon. His sole purpose in life revolved around war and combat. No matter how much he tried to bury that truth, it would always be there. Albedo's death was a poignant reminder of that.

" _Yeah, it was fun. My blood danced in my veins. We really are nothing more than instruments of war."_

The U.R.T.V.'s cheeks began to burn. He was choking back tears as he held a fist to his right chest. There was nothing. The very beating that he used to hate, he now missed more than ever. He had never felt so hollow, so empty.

Out of all the pain he had endured, nothing had ever hurt quite like this.

" _Albedo! Don't go, don't leave me alone!"_

His blue eyes flashed red before tears began streaming down his face. He wrapped his arms around his waist, much like Albedo had done to him when they were kids. _"You're both gonna die and leave me behind?"_

Jr. had never understood Albedo's fear of being left alone more than he did now. The red head pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face into his hands as his body began to shake.

* * *

Losing sleep was an unusual feeling for MOMO. She typically had very little trouble being able to rest her mind, but tonight was different. With recent events weighing heavy on her, she found herself walking aimlessly around the Durandal.

" _My heart is just an optional function..?"_

She remembered how much that thought alone had stung, and how much it continued to sting every time she let it resurface. _"Your artificial personality layer will be temporarily shutting down…"_ All the words that were used to describe her made her stomach sink, _"_ artificial", "optional", and worst yet, "mechanical angel."' The pink haired girl fumbled with her hands as she continued to drag her tired feet. _Is that really all I am?_ She couldn't help but wonder.

Closing her eyes to avoid tears from falling, she saw the deepest shades of emerald staring back at her. _My sister…_ She thought, remembering her sweet smile. _My sister wasn't artificial. She was… perfect. She was genuine and kind. Sakura was beautiful and wonderful and…_

" _You're not a weapon, you're a wonderful boy!"_

MOMO wiped away the tears that had managed to escape while images of her sister and Jr. circled through her mind – the way they both looked at each other, how happy they seemed, the kiss they shared that summer day on the porch. _Sakura was a lot of really lovely things, but most of all, she was Jr.'s._

" _My mother and sister, I want you to look after them for me, okay?"_

MOMO may have not been physically there to witness everything that had taken place that day in Sakura's subconscious domain, but she heard every word. MOMO knew that her sister had loved her very much and she was so happy that she did! Really, she was, but… Ever since that day, MOMO had been doing nothing but thinking about that green eyed girl. Physically, MOMO looked nearly identical to her, but inwardly, she wondered if she could ever compete. Not that she necessarily wanted to compete with her, but she had always thought of Sakura as somewhat of an unattainable goal for herself. She loved her older sister very much, she would've done anything to have been able to meet her, but she knew that she could never _be_ her. And really, that was the main purpose of her existence. She was created so that Sakura's senses would always be linked up with hers. She was created so that Sakura could express her feelings to the outside world through her. She was never meant to be her own person.

Beyond the horrible realization that her feelings were merely optional, MOMO also was now faced with the fact that they might not even really be hers – that maybe some of her feelings were nothing more than remnants of Sakura.

" _Here, take this, it's for luck…"_

The small girl fidgeted with the bracelet that hung delicately from her wrist. _"It's got a good luck phrase on, 'Sayonara baby!'"_ MOMO couldn't help but smile at the memory. She hadn't taken the bracelet off since the day Jr. had given it to her.

Upon learning so many new things about herself, MOMO couldn't help but question every feeling and every thought that came over her. Her feelings towards Jr. had always felt different and overwhelming, but now she had to wonder if they were even really hers to begin with or if they were traces left behind from her fallen sister…

She continued to walk, approaching the park in the Durandal. Each step she took was a small attempt to block out all of the negative thoughts that were flooding over her, but the more she tried to fight it, the worse it seemed to get. Nothing made sense to the Realian anymore. It felt as though her whole world was crashing down around her and there was nothing she could do to stop it and –

In the midst of her sudden break down, she noticed a small figure curled up on one of the park benches. Pushing all of her own problems aside for the time being, she made her way over to the boy.

* * *

"Jr.?"

He could recognize that voice from a mile away. Panicked, he started trying to wipe away the remainder of his tears and regain his composure. He kept a hand in front of his face in hopes of being able to pass off his demeanor as "just a headache" or something along those lines. MOMO was the last person he had expected to catch him out this late.

"H-hey." He cleared his throat. "What're you doing out here?"

Still trying his best to avoid eye contact, he glanced up to see her fidgeting hands. "Jr…" she paused. He could feel her look of concern casting down on him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…."

"Are you… are you sure?" her voice was always so innocent and full of empathy.

"I'm alright. I promise. Why don't you go back to your room, okay? Try to get some sleep."

Finally feeling confident enough to look up at her, he could see tears forming in her eyes now too. "Okay..." She turned around with her head hung down in defeat and started to head back.

"MOMO, wait," without thinking, he reached out to grab her hand. "What's going on? Sit down with me." He scooted over and patted the empty seat next to him. He could see a small shift in her already – her cheeks turning the lightest shade of pink as she sat down.

"Thank you." A soft smile spread across her face before it was immediately replaced by tears again. "Oh, I'm sorry." She said, wiping them away as quickly as she could. "I just didn't expect to run into you... I don't know why I've been like this all day."

The red head moved in closer to put his arm around her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. In all the time he had known her, he'd only ever seen her cry a couple of times. No matter how fragile or sensitive she seemed, MOMO had always been unexpectedly strong – both in combat and emotionally, she had a way of picking herself up even in the toughest situations. It was hard for anyone that cared about her to see her like this. "Y'know, I've had a pretty rough day too. " Jr. sighed, relaxing his head against hers. "It's like I just can't get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Every time I close my eyes, I see him staring back at me..."

MOMO glanced up at him while he let out his feelings about Albedo, about everything that had happened in the past few days, about his fears and regrets. This was one of one of the rare times that Jr. had opened up to her without any prompting or questioning. She hung onto every word and let herself feel the pain that she thought he must being feel, she never wanted to see anyone sad, but there was something oddly comforting about him being this…vulnerable? Any other time Jr. would repress and bury his feelings, that seemed to be how it dealt with mostly everything – he would let them fester and build until they were too much to contain and then later let them come spilling out in a fit of anger. This side of him was refreshing and MOMO couldn't help but take solace in the fact that he trusted her enough to tell her all these things. It made her feel that much closer to him, but the minute she closed her eyes she faced a similar problem – she had a lost sibling staring back at her too.

"Sorry…" Jr. said, finishing his thought. "I guess I got kind of carried away, I didn't mean to just dump all of that on you." He let out a small laugh until he noticed she was still silently crying, maybe even more so than she was before. "Hey," he repositioned himself, putting a hand under her chin to lift her head up to his. "I told you what's going on with me, now it's your turn."

The small girl's cheeks filled with pink again as she batted her eyes away from him. There they were, face to face and she could barely look at him. The last thing she wanted to do was tell him how she was feeling – not because she didn't trust him and not because she was ashamed of it, but because she didn't want him to feel like she was making this about her. She never put herself before anyone and it felt odd not being able to suppress these feelings even just a little bit so that she could be strong for him. She took a deep breath and finally met eyes with him again, trying not to get lost in the shades of blue that were now looking into her.

"I… I don't know if anyone will ever see me as my own person or if I'll always just be viewed as a memory of Sakura. Mommy couldn't even look at me for the longest time without seeing her and feeling sadness and regret. Sometimes I can't help but think that if she couldn't face me without seeing her, how could anyone else…?" hearing herself say it out loud felt so much worse, hearing herself say it out loud to Jr. who was still locking eyes with her made it feel catastrophically worse. She tried her best to maintain her composure but she could feel her face getting hot and her eyes starting to water again. "I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are my own. I wonder if some of the memories I have are my own. I wonder if the feelings I have towards certain people are my own…" She turned her head to break away from Jr.'s stare, fixating her gaze on the pavement below them instead. "I have feelings for _you_ that I thought belonged to me until I saw what happened in Sakura's domain and now I have to wonder if those are really mine… " _And sometimes, I wonder if the feelings you have for me are really for her..._ The thought was so loud it was almost deafening, but she couldn't bring herself to say it.

An uncomfortable silence fell around them, instantly filling MOMO with regret. She was desperately fidgeting with her bracelet, hoping he would say something – hoping he would say just about anything to make her feel less anxious. The pink haired girl's stomach was in knots and now Jr. was the one staring down at the sidewalk with his head in his hands. He let out an audible sigh before looking back up at her. He had never seen her look so exhausted and nervous before. Come to think of it, he hadn't felt this exhausted and nervous in awhile either. He mustered up what confidence he could get and leaned in closer to her, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear and resting his other hand on her shoulder. Their eyes locked again but this time with no tears. MOMO felt like she was going to mentally implode – she had seen this moment so many times in movies, read about it in books, heard about it from friends (mostly Shion), but never thought it would happen to her, especially on a night like this and definitely not after what she had just told him. She closed her eyes as she noticed his gaze drifting down to her mouth. Both of his hands were on the back of her neck and he kept pulling her closer and closer. His mouth was so warm and inviting and she felt like she really understood why there were so many movies and books that referred to this moment now. The Realian was suddenly flooded with all of these new emotions that she had known about but never really felt before – infatuation, affection, passion and… maybe a little bit of lust? She could feel her face get hot just from the thought of the last one.

Jr.'s mind was racing too but for slightly different reasons, here he was at 27 years old and this was one of the most intimate moments he had experienced in life so far, it felt good and somewhat embarrassing at the same time. He knew MOMO would never judge him or think twice about something like that, but spending the majority of his time with guys like Nigredo, Tony, and Captain Matthews had taken a toll on his self esteem. Really kissing someone for the first time – especially someone he felt this close with emotionally was a lot to take in, he felt like he was going to implode too, but not just mentally. He made it a point to slow himself down, trying not to get too carried away. Despite how pent up these feelings had gotten over the years, he never wanted to do anything that could potentially jeopardize MOMO's feelings or boundaries, the absolute last thing he wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable in any sort of way. With his hands now cupping her cheeks, he kissed her again, this time on the forehead as he slowly pulled himself away from her.

Their smiles mirrored each other's and the brief silence that fell around them this time was a peaceful one. Jr. put his arm around her shoulder again as she nestled her head back into his chest. He cleared his throat, hoping that what he was about to say wouldn't come out wrong or be misconstrued by her. "Sakura meant a lot to me and she probably always will. She was the only real friend I had and getting to take a break from my dad's institute and all of the horrible shit that was going on in my life to see her was one of the most important things to me back then. I'll always remember those days we spent on her porch talking and laughing, but… that doesn't affect the way I see you. There are parallels between you and Sakura definitely, but as much as I hate it to admit it, there are also parallels between me and Albedo and I would never want someone to think differently of me just from knowing him. When I look at you, I see you – I see the bubbly, almost always smiling pink haired girl who does her best to help everyone. When you talk – I hear you, I hear your concerns and your memories and your goals and I always know they're yours. Because I spent a lot of time with your sister and while you two may look almost identical, you're not. You're two completely different people with different ideas and interests and takes on life. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't ever feel invalid or afraid of your worth and if you do, I'll always be here to remind you otherwise." He let out a small sigh of relief, giving himself a mental pat on the back for not tripping over his words.

MOMO lifted her head up, feeling a rush of adrenaline shoot through her as she was the one to kiss him this time. "Thank you." She smiled. "I'm really glad you're in my life, Jr. and I hope you know I'm always here for you too no matter what happens."

They both sat for awhile staring up at the simulated stars the Durandal had to offer and talking before they returned back to their rooms. Jr. looked down at his palm, the numbers '666' looking back at him again, he grabbed MOMO's hand and laced his fingers with hers. He watched as a smile spread across her face just from him touching her and for the first time in years, he didn't feel like a monster or a weapon designed for war – he felt like a person, a person who was really lucky to have someone love and care about him the way he loved and cared about her. And even if they both had traces of their pasts keeping them up at night, at least they had each other.


End file.
